This time has passed so very fast.
Yet in the move from last year to now, I have felt a lifetime's worth of emotions. Right now it's all beautiful. And when I said it moved fast...well, thats only how it seems now. I've held pain in me for half of last year, and I've learned to release it and move on. Those months dragged on like a thunderstorm; loud, overbearing, and achingly slow. But I dont like to focus too much on the past(anymore). Right now I am sitting in my warm bedroom with my strange but lovable calico cat, a cup of chai, and I am happy here.

I identify myself in many ways. One of them is this: being here, where I am at the moment I am in. It's a mindset I have been developing for quite some time now, and I am pretty good at it now. Living my life in the moment doesnt make me reckless, or forgetful. I will always need to reach into my future and past to make sense of or prepare for the way I want to live. But as of now I plan to embrace my life as it is. Nothing is perfect. Perfection is stifling and impossible, and I refuse to make myself seem anything close to flawless.

Wishes are lonely stars. My wishes are often given to other people, although I do occasionally want things for myself. Forget material goods, I would simply like to mold my future from the college of my choice. Acceptance letters are being mailed this week. I feel a bit like a puppet, and the thought of someone else deciding where I will be is agitiating to say the least. But I will be myself, and I will flourish wherever I go. My life is not constituted by the admissions committees decision. I can just feel that I would be happy there, and it's nice when things are certain.

I'm feeling spread out and enclosed.

It's been quite a while since I made a New Year's Resolution because I dont believe in making promises I cant keep, but this year feels like the crest of a very large wave- my life thus far, and I feel that deserves some tentitive promises, if not plans.
- I will be who I am. I am not entirely grown into myself yet, but I will be true to the person that I am right now and be open to alterations if I call for it.
- I will remember that my happiness is my own choice, and wherever I end up I can be happy.
-I will read and write more often.
- I will let go of my fear of driving.
- I will be strong and confidant in every decision I make or fate makes for me.
- I will give love openly to those who I love and strive not to harbor any hard feelings towards anyone because they are a waste of energy.